So we all want to increase our tag count (solid way of proving we have lives, of course), but there are those times that there’s a photo, where I desperately hope that you will have the prudence to refrain from tagging me. Please, just let us pretend that I wasn’t there. And if, you are kind souled, and can find the love in your heart please delete the following photos:
1) That picture you ruthlessly took of me after my workout: Despite the common Hollywood misconception, no one, no one, looks good after an hour running. Steven Spielberg, I have a quick tip for you: that sweat does not look like a glowing sheen, no it looks gross, and should be washed off immediately.
2) The picture where I have a chin that’s not normally there: I know the camera adds 10 pounds, but when those 10 pounds are so visible…we have a problem. This is the picture that will send me running to the gym (please reference photo tag no-no number 1.
3) That scan you took when you rediscovered your middle school yearbook: I would prefer not to relive the days before I was brace-free and the Clearasil kicked in. It’s not as cute a throwback as you think – let’s pretend the ages between 7 and 17 never happened…
4) The Picture of the Cookies you just Made: Unless I’m getting some, I don’t want to see how good they look.
5) The Photo Where I am Mid Speech: No one looks good with their mouth only slightly open, and their finger wagging. You know what they look like? Crazy.
6) The Sleeping Photo: I don’t know about you, but I don’t look like sleeping beauty when I sleep, but is visual representation necessary?
7) The Mid-Blink Photo: Somehow the photo that makes me look like I’m on a few too many anesthetizer’s isn’t my favorite. Please remove this – especially if all you can see is the whites of my eyes. Creepy, much?
8) The Eating Photo: No one, with the possible exception of Bambi, looks cute when they eat. Really though – it’s like combining numbers 2, 5, and occasionally 8 – that’s just cruel.
9) The Photo where I am doing something…questionable: By this I mean anything my future employer or anyone I date in the future will find a reason to be upset at me for. That includes probably 90% of your pictures from Saturday night…
10) The Drinking Photo: It’s not cute. I don’t care how funny I thought I was at the time, please spare me the humiliation.
So if you care about my at all, please don’t tag me. I will be there to detag, and I will definitely be there the next time you workout, speak, sleep or wake up. Consider yourself warned.